Are you wondering what makes it so difficult to get over a breakup? Learn how to take the necessary steps to break free from this vicious cycle so you can pick up the pieces, move on with life and find happiness.
Life is about choices and sometimes the choices that are made hurt. When someone decides that the relationship cannot, should not, will not continue on, it feels like life comes to a halt. What do you do? How do you pick up the pieces and bounce back? You know it's finished but it just feels like you'll never be able to come out from the darkness, the heaviness, that surrounds you.
Let's take a step back. Ask yourself, where are these feelings coming from? Take a deep breath. Exhale out slowly and feel these feelings again. Is it coming from within yourself or outside yourself? Your thoughts, your emotions? Are they words that you hear yourself saying or are they images you're replaying over in your mind's eye? What are your thoughts?
- Why is he/she doing this?
- I need him/her.
- I'm devastated.
- He/she betrayed me. I'll never trust again.
- How can I go on without him/her?
- No one can (or will) love me like he/she can.
- I'm not lovable.
- I'm not good enough.
- I'm worthless.
Those words feel very heavy.
They're precisely why you feel as awful as you do. Why? Because, your saturating every part of your being with the worst possible feelings you can have about yourself and your life. In fact, your focus is on the exact opposite of what you want to have, where you want to be.
Your mind responds to the words that you say and the images you create. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, good or bad, it will do what you tell it. So if you instruct your mind that you will never trust again, trust in a relationship will be difficult to attain. Likewise, if you instruct your mind that relationships are painful and/or you don't ever want to be in a relationship again, you will find difficulty in finding a special someone.
Your mind is powerful and the words and images are being embedded within you. So, what exactly, are you saying to yourself?
In this type of situation, you have to begin recovery by focusing on what you truly want and that is balance, inner peace, confidence in yourself and your future, security, stability, happiness. Did you catch that? What you truly want is NOT the person, the position, or the possession that is now gone from your life. It is not, and has never been, the responsibility of any person, position or possession to bring or cause these things to be present in your life. Anyone who requires this of something or someone is setting him/herself up for failure.
Other people not responsible for your happiness, validation, or success in your life. You are. Oftentimes, the struggle is simply the result of not letting go and tormenting yourself on all of the would'a, could'a, should'a.
The question for you is this: Am I really able to accept what is and let go? If not, why? If you can put aside everything for a little while and look within yourself for those answers, you'll be able to find your balance and walk through this challenging time in a much better place. Where do you begin in recovering from a breakup?
Accept what is.
This is by far the most important step for any life challenge you face. Accept that you are here and that your ex has made the choice that was made. You cannot force anyone to do anything they don't want to. Why would you? Why would you want to have someone who remains with you because of pity, fear, or force? That isn't a relationship worth having, for either of you.
When someone wants to go (out of your life) let them. Their struggle is a distraction to your alignment to a happy fulfilled life. Recognize that this is a new segment in your life and it will take a turn for an exciting change if you allow it to unfold.
Remember, if your life was meant to be lived with him/her at your side, they would be there, through thick and thin, good and bad. If they can not, or will not, do that. Let. Them. Go.
Sometimes people will make a decision that is hurtful, unfair. Other times, a person will make a decision that is in their best interest. Whatever the case may be, their decision is theirs to make. He/she has the right to do so, just as you have the right to make yours.
You now have the choice to make your decision here and now. You can choose to reject what is and torment yourself with what was and remain in the cycle of pain and torment -or- you can choose to accept what is and vow to be the beautiful light this life event has created you to now be without darkness, bitterness, or despair. You are enough. You always have been. You always will be. No matter what life's challenges and situations appear to say.
Pay attention to the chatter of your thoughts.
Are you feeding yourself negative, heavy, thoughts and ideas?
- Thoughts become your feelings.
- Feelings become your actions.
- Actions become your reality.
Turn those negative hurtful thoughts that you're having into healthy uplifting ones. As long as you continue to entertain the heavy, negative thoughts and ideas, you'll continue to sink deeper and deeper into the darkness that you feel.
Choose happiness over despair by refusing to feed yourself with negativity, resentment, or harsh words to yourself about yourself. These things do not, cannot and will never serve you for anything good. Period.
Decide to take responsibility for your actions, your thoughts and the words you say to yourself and choose good ones that will strengthen you, encourage you and uplift you. Choose healthy choices. Choose the path of least resistance and be encouraged.
Learn from this. Look for the silver lining.
Everything we go through can teach us important lessons. Life has a way of doing that. By using this approach, you're able to live life on the offense, not on the defense. When challenges come your way, you 're able to see how you can benefit from it without creating more limiting beliefs that will just pull you down and pave the way for more false confirmations in the future.
What good can be learned from this?
Were you given harsh criticism, accusations or judgement? Were there any truth to it? Be honest with yourself. Search yourself and look inward. If you can see ugly truth in what was presented to you, own up to it. Everyone goes through these types of truths at one point or another. Own up to this and adjust yourself accordingly, however, reject anything and everything nonconstructive, false, or served to you with malice for the sake of tearing you down. Constructive criticism is healthy. Anything beyond that serves no good purpose, so do not let it in.
At the very least, you now know what you want, and what you DON'T want in a relationship and/or a life partner, correct? So maybe, your takeaway from this experience was to show you exactly that. Be grateful for the good, learn from the bad, and be ready for the better that's coming toward you!
Love the life you live and live the life you love!
Stay focused, because you totally got this!
One of the things I love about what I do is my ability to help clients uncover what lies beneath their blocks. If you are having a difficult time moving forward, RTT can help you uncover why.
Once you understand the root that's holding you hostage, you're free to release it and move on with your life. You can absolutely find out where this limiting belief came from, when it happened, and then detach from this false belief immediately. Once you do, you can get your life back and open yourself up to endless possibilities!